Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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