so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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