i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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