I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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