my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
