Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
