Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
