if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
