Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
