did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
