"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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