you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
