dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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