Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
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