I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
