I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
