There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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