turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
being pregnant is like rehab
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
