Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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