Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize