i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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