P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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