I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
