Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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