And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
