don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
