Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
