whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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