I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
