I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
