Me too!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
