why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
