So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
