If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
