it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
