just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
