on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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