I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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