Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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