Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
