My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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