I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
