Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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