I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
