Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
