how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
