Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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