I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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