I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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