I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
