ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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