the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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