It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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