I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize