there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
