afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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