I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There r osticjed everywhere
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
