Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
