Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
