I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize