I puked a lego.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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