You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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