bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
