imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
