eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
