Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
