I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
