she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
