I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
this is an emotional support booty call
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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