Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
