Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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