I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The beer is more important than you right now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
