I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
