I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
